








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 342 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 286 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2600 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,823 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2445 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2129 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2454 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1795 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,488,801 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 407 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | ✪Lucifer✪ | 42% | 50 |
| #7 | Voodoo Mama Juju | 41% | 27 |
| #8 | SpeedyRogue | 40% | 52 |
| #9 | illusionist | 36% | 22 |
| #10 | Optimus__Prime | 36% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GOAT | 4 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | SpeedyRogue | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Syndicate | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Voodoo Mama Juju | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Optimus__Prime | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Geralt of Rivia | 171 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | SpeedyRogue | 129 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #3 | GOAT | 113 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Optimus__Prime | 93 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #5 | Kr0fty | 93 | 0.19 | 2 min |





