








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 181 matches | ||
| Wingman | 51 matches | ||
| Faceit | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




68 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3486 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,308 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3400 | 41% |
| Smokes | 2066 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1032 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 1810 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $769,949 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 627 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♥ JWalker ♥ | 60% | 35 |
| #2 | bReiður | 57% | 21 |
| #3 | Lillibilli | 53% | 55 |
| #4 | Bongwater Brian | 52% | 107 |
| #5 | Golphino | 51% | 178 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Golphino | 70 | 0.0205 |
| #2 | Sharp | 23 | 0.0088 |
| #3 | Bongwater Brian | 14 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | Lillibilli | 11 | 0.0107 |
| #5 | bReiður | 4 | 0.0094 |





