








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 91 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1536 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,188 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1005 | 24% |
| Smokes | 841 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1233 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1109 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $411,608 of utility $75 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Cara Pils | 39% | 18 |
| #4 | Wolk | 39% | 184 |
| #5 | the_antichrist | 37% | 71 |
| #6 | Phoenix | 36% | 22 |
| #7 | donkeyy | 20% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wolk | 13 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | the_antichrist | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Cara Pils | 3 | 0.0078 |
| #4 | Azri | 1 | 0.0007 |





