








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 49 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 41 matches | ||
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
986 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,740 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 379 | 10% |
| Smokes | 1268 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1521 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 572 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $368,838 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | 91 Unleaded | 40% | 126 |
| #5 | Sheikward | 40% | 151 |
| #6 | Mak waz | 40% | 15 |
| #7 | geoffrey | 39% | 23 |
| #8 | sirqueefsalot | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sheikward | 17 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | 91 Unleaded | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | panam | 4 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | supa sayajin | 4 | 0.0094 |
| #5 | sirqueefsalot | 3 | 0.0074 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sheikward | 736 | 0.24 | 21 min |
| #2 | supa sayajin | 145 | 0.34 | 3 min |
| #3 | geoffrey | 142 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #4 | 91 Unleaded | 96 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | panam | 92 | 0.17 | 2 min |





