








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
716 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,240 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 776 | 24% |
| Smokes | 959 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 750 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 755 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $142,714 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jack | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Nidas | 54% | 28 |
| #3 | tribo | 50% | 6 |
| #4 | NO LONGER LOOKING FOR A JOB | 50% | 14 |
| #5 | Zhaisy | 50% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | :0 | 8 | 0.0091 |
| #2 | garug | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | NO LONGER LOOKING FOR A JOB | 4 | 0.0139 |
| #4 | Arwty | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | Nidas | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | :0 | 121 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | garug | 99 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | Barney | 99 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Arwty | 96 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Zhaisy | 69 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | garug | +4.63 | 76 | 54 |
| #2 | Jack | +4.37 | 83 | 71 |
| #3 | 10 Years in the Joint | +2.15 | 79 | 70 |
| #4 | Zhaisy | +1.95 | 73 | 65 |
| #5 | NO LONGER LOOKING FOR A JOB | +0.66 | 50 | 27 |





