








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
890 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,295 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 696 | 30% |
| Smokes | 802 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 475 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 322 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $227,327 of utility $87 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nihsal | 86% | 7 |
| #2 | Jack | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | NO LONGER LOOKING FOR A JOB | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | Multinge | 54% | 28 |
| #5 | Zhaisy | 50% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Arwty | 9 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | :0 | 6 | 0.0088 |
| #3 | NO LONGER LOOKING FOR A JOB | 5 | 0.0181 |
| #4 | garug | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | wilson fisk | 3 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Arwty | 277 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #2 | garug | 161 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | :0 | 106 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Barney | 92 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | wilson fisk | 90 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | garug | +6.33 | 77 | 55 |
| #2 | Jack | +6.26 | 78 | 70 |
| #3 | Zhaisy | +0.91 | 72 | 75 |
| #4 | NO LONGER LOOKING FOR A JOB | +0.87 | 63 | 34 |
| #5 | wilson fisk | -0.09 | 56 | 45 |





