










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
479 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,606 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 262 | 16% |
| Smokes | 409 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 569 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 366 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $281,193 of utility $184 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Taisteluhippo laitineh | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | ℜ𝔲𝔲𝔟𝔢𝔯𝔱𝔱 ✟ | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | fffeijjo | 75% | 4 |
| #4 | Stumbel91YT | 75% | 4 |
| #5 | Karveli | 75% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | DrGerhard1 | 50% | 6 |
| #11 | PÖLÖ | 50% | 36 |
| #12 | SNE3 | 47% | 43 |
| #13 | MikiTee | 40% | 5 |
| #14 | Pellervo22 | 0% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SNE3 | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | PÖLÖ | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Karveli | 55 | 0.31 | 2 min |
| #2 | No Olaf, No Party! | 54 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #3 | DrGerhard1 | 33 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #4 | fffeijjo | 31 | 0.36 | 1 min |
| #5 | PÖLÖ | 28 | 0.04 | 1 min |





