








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 868 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 580 matches | ||
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5433 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,463 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6618 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5919 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5748 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4178 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,507,953 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1305 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Tay | 46% | 136 |
| #4 | nobitches | 46% | 48 |
| #5 | Milo | 43% | 283 |
| #6 | caffeine | 43% | 54 |
| #7 | ✗ Arkky ✗ | 42% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hugho | 30 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Milo | 12 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Tay | 9 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | caffeine | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | ✗ Arkky ✗ | 3 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Milo | 1455 | 0.24 | 36 min |
| #2 | Hugho | 633 | 0.08 | 18 min |
| #3 | ✗ Arkky ✗ | 209 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #4 | caffeine | 151 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | nobitches | 114 | 0.11 | 3 min |





