








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 335 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3352 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,501 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3421 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3274 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2846 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2960 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $932,620 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | 𐂃𐂃 | 51% | 90 |
| #3 | pABLOeSCOBAR | 51% | 139 |
| #4 | Lachie | 50% | 290 |
| #5 | Fatty ⭕⃤ | 50% | 249 |
| #6 | Goose08 | 49% | 285 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lachie | 9 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Goose08 | 9 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Fatty ⭕⃤ | 3 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | pABLOeSCOBAR | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | 𐂃𐂃 | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goose08 | 989 | 0.17 | 22 min |
| #2 | Lachie | 847 | 0.14 | 18 min |
| #3 | 𐂃𐂃 | 291 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #4 | Fatty ⭕⃤ | 181 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #5 | pABLOeSCOBAR | 92 | 0.03 | 3 min |





