








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 154 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 87 matches | ||
| Premier | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




59 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3193 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,045 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3764 | 42% |
| Smokes | 2297 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1161 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 1823 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $676,016 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 569 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | donk666 | 60% | 20 |
| #2 | Angelo_ | 59% | 34 |
| #3 | Ringmaster(歴戦王) | 58% | 19 |
| #4 | Axolotl | 55% | 169 |
| #5 | Mm§m∆Mkμ¶ | 53% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 屌你個奶龍 | 19 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | Axolotl | 14 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | R3versE | 11 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | NeverGiveUp | 5 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Angelo_ | 4 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 屌你個奶龍 | 583 | 0.19 | 15 min |
| #2 | R3versE | 548 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #3 | Axolotl | 315 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | Mm§m∆Mkμ¶ | 249 | 0.27 | 6 min |
| #5 | Angelo_ | 101 | 0.14 | 2 min |





