








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1241 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,416 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 915 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1235 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 614 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 652 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $357,267 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Henging Balls | 48% | 92 |
| #5 | Faboli_ | 45% | 53 |
| #6 | El Macho | 44% | 41 |
| #7 | Stefan Raabst | 43% | 35 |
| #8 | Pozilist Martin Hintzen | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Henging Balls | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Faboli_ | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | $ j0hnnY | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Spritberg :) | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | Pozilist Martin Hintzen | 2 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Henging Balls | 113 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #2 | Faboli_ | 100 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Stefan Raabst | 83 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | Spritberg :) | 75 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | $ j0hnnY | 46 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JölMcSwäggins | +1.19 | 61 | 57 |
| #2 | Faboli_ | +0.60 | 77 | 62 |
| #3 | $ j0hnnY | +0.54 | 62 | 51 |
| #4 | Stefan Raabst | -0.26 | 42 | 61 |
| #5 | Henging Balls | -0.42 | 72 | 59 |





