








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 133 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 158 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1887 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,477 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2675 | 41% |
| Smokes | 830 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 2396 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 576 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $469,641 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 354 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tuttfläsk | 56% | 55 |
| #2 | WOW JOCKE! | 49% | 119 |
| #3 | TATTARE | 45% | 11 |
| #4 | Svisse | 44% | 77 |
| #5 | joaquin guzman | 42% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | TATTARE | 45% | 11 |
| #4 | Svisse | 44% | 77 |
| #5 | joaquin guzman | 42% | 60 |
| #6 | SKRUTTIS | 32% | 38 |
| #7 | ∀npı ǝuɾoʎǝɹ | 25% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WOW JOCKE! | 13 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | Svisse | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | SKRUTTIS | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | joaquin guzman | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | TATTARE | 2 | 0.0094 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WOW JOCKE! | 304 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #2 | Tuttfläsk | 221 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #3 | Svisse | 213 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | joaquin guzman | 192 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | ∀npı ǝuɾoʎǝɹ | 108 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | *MaggiE* | +1.37 | 63 | 60 |
| #2 | WOW JOCKE! | +1.26 | 73 | 67 |
| #3 | Svisse | -0.05 | 65 | 66 |
| #4 | joaquin guzman | -0.51 | 74 | 70 |
| #5 | Tuttfläsk | -0.85 | 56 | 71 |





