








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 682 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 162 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2498 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,398 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1652 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1517 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2125 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1104 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $593,317 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | COW-tz | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | D3R_B3H1ND3R7M4CH3R | 66% | 50 |
| #3 | Kairos | 63% | 16 |
| #4 | nick | 61% | 31 |
| #5 | Kronos ∼︎eedLC∼ | 60% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nick | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Zyklon | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Stedi | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | MaC | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | D3R_B3H1ND3R7M4CH3R | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stedi | 164 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #2 | Kronos ∼︎eedLC∼ | 136 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | D3R_B3H1ND3R7M4CH3R | 108 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | MaC | 78 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | nobody | 66 | 0.25 | 2 min |





