








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 465 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 234 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2493 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,971 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1585 | 16% |
| Smokes | 3256 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3075 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2055 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $953,684 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 337 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | D3R_B3H1ND3R7M4CH3R | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | nick | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Howling Mad | 2 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Kronos ∼︎eedLC∼ | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | MaC | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kronos ∼︎eedLC∼ | 233 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | D3R_B3H1ND3R7M4CH3R | 196 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | Stedi | 195 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | MaC | 124 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | Clutchy Hopkins | 120 | 0.22 | 3 min |





