








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1074 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1718 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 160 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




162 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8771 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 44,954 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9173 | 20% |
| Smokes | 11407 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 13632 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 10742 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,620,920 of utility $44 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1364 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Foolio | 42% | 489 |
| #7 | ⚔Adolf Yeetler⚔ | 40% | 132 |
| #8 | Giga_Chad 💪 | 40% | 442 |
| #9 | Maximus Erectus | 37% | 195 |
| #10 | [CIG†] Tranix17 | 36% | 185 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SkommelLappie | 112 | 0.0117 |
| #2 | Giga_Chad 💪 | 58 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Crispy B@con | 38 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Foolio | 34 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | ☠︎ℌ︎a℣ℯ︎ ℕ︎☠ | 18 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crispy B@con | 1099 | 0.08 | 26 min |
| #2 | 💣NoEm My OOm💤💣 | 849 | 0.31 | 16 min |
| #3 | Giga_Chad 💪 | 847 | 0.09 | 18 min |
| #4 | SkommelLappie | 769 | 0.08 | 16 min |
| #5 | Foolio | 396 | 0.04 | 9 min |





