








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 71 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
551 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 898 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 202 | 22% |
| Smokes | 153 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 417 | 46% |
| Molotovs | 126 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $253,757 of utility $191 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | XXXGargamelSÆDXXX | 36% | 22 |
| #7 | Dugi | 33% | 18 |
| #8 | Olvepus | 25% | 12 |
| #9 | Senterborknekker/Hjerteknuser | 22% | 9 |
| #10 | Jesper Jøssang Stang | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bømlingen | 14 | 0.0146 |
| #2 | XXXGargamelSÆDXXX | 9 | 0.0220 |
| #3 | Onkel Farfar | 4 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | Johan Pikk | 4 | 0.0112 |
| #5 | Olvepus | 4 | 0.0172 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bømlingen | 80 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #2 | Dugi | 69 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #3 | Johan Pikk | 64 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #4 | Onkel Farfar | 45 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | XXXGargamelSÆDXXX | 26 | 0.06 | 1 min |





