








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 849 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 179 matches | ||
| Premier | 134 matches | ||
| Wingman | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 86 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4698 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,683 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5541 | 26% |
| Smokes | 6259 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4653 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 5230 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $635,836 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 116 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Boose | 58% | 96 |
| #6 | ✪ Zwae | 56% | 73 |
| #7 | Mouth Breather | 56% | 68 |
| #8 | Big Hustin | 55% | 102 |
| #9 | BigGric | 53% | 169 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Hustin | 535 | 0.24 | 14 min |
| #2 | CATฅ(ミ⎚ﻌ⎚ミ)∫ | 316 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #3 | ✪ Zwae | 205 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | BigGric | 171 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #5 | Boose | 139 | 0.06 | 4 min |





