








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1215 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 247 matches | ||
| Faceit | 174 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6736 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,991 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8835 | 35% |
| Smokes | 6032 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 4427 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 5697 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,404,989 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 721 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tmass1g | 70% | 33 |
| #2 | CraftyLD | 60% | 62 |
| #3 | Wylie | 56% | 197 |
| #4 | YogurtBoy37 | 56% | 270 |
| #5 | You Have Small PP | 54% | 134 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Wylie | 56% | 197 |
| #4 | YogurtBoy37 | 56% | 270 |
| #5 | You Have Small PP | 54% | 134 |
| #6 | Shrek | 48% | 44 |
| #7 | Super Grover | 43% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YogurtBoy37 | 20 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | You Have Small PP | 13 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Wylie | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | CraftyLD | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Shrek | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YogurtBoy37 | 734 | 0.12 | 18 min |
| #2 | Wylie | 479 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #3 | CraftyLD | 264 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #4 | You Have Small PP | 189 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | Shrek | 160 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tmass1g | +2.79 | 65 | 68 |
| #2 | Fuse | +2.01 | 85 | 71 |
| #3 | YogurtBoy37 | +1.11 | 77 | 62 |
| #4 | Wylie | +0.52 | 71 | 72 |
| #5 | You Have Small PP | +0.30 | 75 | 46 |





