








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 603 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 101 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 45 matches | ||
| Wingman | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3123 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,745 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5768 | 39% |
| Smokes | 3907 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2019 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 3051 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,149,836 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 780 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Super Grover | 46% | 50 |
| #9 | ⏾⋆.˚ | 46% | 159 |
| #10 | formz | 45% | 192 |
| #11 | Big hunk Wooden | 42% | 151 |
| #12 | Fuzzy | 34% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⏾⋆.˚ | 15 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | You Have Small PP | 12 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Cooking meth in the gift shop | 11 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | Big hunk Wooden | 8 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | YogurtBoy37 | 7 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | formz | 460 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #2 | ⏾⋆.˚ | 246 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | YogurtBoy37 | 204 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #4 | Fuse | 192 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #5 | You Have Small PP | 180 | 0.05 | 4 min |





