








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 939 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 202 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 135 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 123 matches | ||
| Wingman | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 23 different maps





Our logs show 50 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




74 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9026 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,202 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5755 | 26% |
| Smokes | 5110 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 7386 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 3951 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,820,968 of utility $164 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 636 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoodini | 55% | 211 |
| #2 | Pepe the grey | 55% | 93 |
| #3 | Sven | 53% | 557 |
| #4 | Fex | 52% | 126 |
| #5 | M1neGuys | 51% | 366 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Ricardo Milos | 51% | 94 |
| #7 | arroz | 50% | 227 |
| #8 | nightmarealic3 | 50% | 102 |
| #9 | Trump is my Bitch | 49% | 53 |
| #10 | George Droyde | 38% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sven | 23 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Hoodini | 15 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Ricardo Milos | 12 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | George Droyde | 12 | 0.0115 |
| #5 | Pepe the grey | 6 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sven | 1298 | 0.12 | 26 min |
| #2 | Hoodini | 557 | 0.13 | 17 min |
| #3 | arroz | 456 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #4 | M1neGuys | 391 | 0.05 | 8 min |
| #5 | Pepe the grey | 259 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Trump is my Bitch | +4.65 | 86 | 52 |
| #2 | Hoodini | +4.57 | 79 | 57 |
| #3 | Pepe the grey | +3.53 | 78 | 58 |
| #4 | Doug Judy | +1.58 | 59 | 61 |
| #5 | arroz | +1.43 | 73 | 52 |





