








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 247 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 103 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
1579 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,213 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1918 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1478 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 561 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 1256 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $352,708 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 48 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Vern | 233 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #2 | jn♡ | 207 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #3 | >:( | 165 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | An4rchy | 153 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #5 | Sinon△ | 148 | 0.21 | 3 min |





