








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
583 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,080 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 434 | 40% |
| Smokes | 210 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 175 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 261 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $93,544 of utility $55 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jenna tolls | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | Patty | 56% | 9 |
| #3 | Eugene Sphincterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr | 47% | 36 |
| #4 | little austrian mouse (no audio) | 44% | 41 |
| #5 | shett | 42% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Eugene Sphincterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr | 47% | 36 |
| #4 | little austrian mouse (no audio) | 44% | 41 |
| #5 | shett | 42% | 24 |
| #6 | Slurplus | 39% | 23 |
| #7 | ShadowGovernment☾ | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | little austrian mouse (no audio) | 17 | 0.0206 |
| #2 | Patty | 5 | 0.0267 |
| #3 | Eugene Sphincterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr | 4 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | Slurplus | 4 | 0.0090 |
| #5 | ShadowGovernment☾ | 4 | 0.0200 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | little austrian mouse (no audio) | 122 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #2 | shett | 72 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #3 | Patty | 25 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | Slurplus | 17 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | Eugene Sphincterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr | 13 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | little austrian mouse (no audio) | +5.55 | 83 | 70 |
| #2 | Spooky | -0.81 | 50 | 41 |
| #3 | shett | -1.00 | 63 | 65 |
| #4 | Patty | -1.08 | 49 | 50 |
| #5 | Eugene Sphincterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr | -1.63 | 52 | 29 |





