








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




51 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1933 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,138 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1660 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1212 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1186 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1080 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $316,726 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slurplus | 55% | 38 |
| #2 | jenna tolls | 50% | 28 |
| #3 | Eugene Sphincterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr | 44% | 107 |
| #4 | Spooky | 44% | 41 |
| #5 | shett | 42% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Eugene Sphincterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr | 44% | 107 |
| #4 | Spooky | 44% | 41 |
| #5 | shett | 42% | 45 |
| #6 | Patty | 33% | 24 |
| #7 | ShadowGovernment☾ | 26% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eugene Sphincterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr | 13 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | shett | 13 | 0.0149 |
| #3 | Spooky | 13 | 0.0158 |
| #4 | jenna tolls | 9 | 0.0158 |
| #5 | ShadowGovernment☾ | 7 | 0.0185 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shett | 145 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | Spooky | 42 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | jenna tolls | 41 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Patty | 38 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Slurplus | 29 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | little austrian mouse (no audio) | +5.02 | 86 | 69 |
| #2 | shett | -0.24 | 58 | 60 |
| #3 | Patty | -1.33 | 47 | 42 |
| #4 | Slurplus | -1.67 | 42 | 26 |
| #5 | Spooky | -1.88 | 51 | 43 |





