








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
351 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 588 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 101 | 17% |
| Smokes | 301 | 51% |
| HE Grenades | 82 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 104 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $89,274 of utility $86 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jenna tolls | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | little austrian mouse (no audio) | 55% | 38 |
| #3 | shett | 55% | 20 |
| #4 | Patty | 50% | 4 |
| #5 | Eugene Sphincterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr | 43% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | shett | 55% | 20 |
| #4 | Patty | 50% | 4 |
| #5 | Eugene Sphincterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr | 43% | 28 |
| #6 | Spooky | 39% | 23 |
| #7 | ShadowGovernment☾ | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | little austrian mouse (no audio) | 10 | 0.0134 |
| #2 | Spooky | 4 | 0.0090 |
| #3 | jenna tolls | 2 | 0.0157 |
| #4 | Patty | 2 | 0.0233 |
| #5 | shett | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | little austrian mouse (no audio) | 110 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | shett | 58 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | Spooky | 18 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | Eugene Sphincterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr | 7 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | jenna tolls | 7 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | little austrian mouse (no audio) | +5.71 | 87 | 71 |
| #2 | shett | +1.30 | 61 | 65 |
| #3 | Spooky | -1.32 | 45 | 32 |
| #4 | Slurplus | -1.71 | 43 | 24 |
| #5 | Patty | -2.12 | 42 | 59 |





