








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 9 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
231 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 808 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 244 | 30% |
| Smokes | 208 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 193 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 163 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $29,478 of utility $68 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sergio Busquets | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Shimzu | 50% | 2 |
| #3 | Daly | 50% | 2 |
| #4 | PhatMurph | 47% | 15 |
| #5 | DaddySpankMe | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sergio Busquets | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Shimzu | 50% | 2 |
| #3 | Daly | 50% | 2 |
| #4 | PhatMurph | 47% | 15 |
| #5 | DaddySpankMe | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DaddySpankMe | 4 | 0.0240 |
| #2 | PhatMurph | 2 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | Shimzu | 1 | 0.0244 |
| #4 | Daly | 1 | 0.0250 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DaddySpankMe | 81 | 0.49 | 2 min |
| #2 | PhatMurph | 45 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | Sergio Busquets | 9 | 0.23 | 0 min |
| #4 | Shimzu | 3 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | Daly | 3 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | swe0xy. | +3.46 | 76 | 60 |
| #2 | Sergio Busquets | +3.16 | 57 | 60 |
| #3 | PhatMurph | +0.57 | 62 | 79 |
| #4 | Daly | -1.59 | 48 | 34 |
| #5 | DaddySpankMe | -1.88 | 51 | 63 |





