








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1547 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 213 matches | 2,088 | |
| Premier | 183 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6538 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,793 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5759 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5346 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3714 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 4974 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,079,412 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1459 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hotaru Kenzen | 66% | 35 |
| #2 | kentz | 66% | 29 |
| #3 | eymz | 53% | 49 |
| #4 | ππΏπ³|鬱 | 53% | 40 |
| #5 | ogge | 50% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | eymz | 53% | 49 |
| #4 | ππΏπ³|鬱 | 53% | 40 |
| #5 | ogge | 50% | 32 |
| #6 | femboy | 49% | 160 |
| #7 | β*: .q. o(β§β½β¦)o .q.:*β | 46% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | femboy | 17 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | ππΏπ³|鬱 | 4 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | β*: .q. o(β§β½β¦)o .q.:*β | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | Hotaru Kenzen | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | femboy | 415 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #2 | ππΏπ³|鬱 | 180 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #3 | eymz | 170 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #4 | kentz | 100 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | ogge | 98 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hotaru Kenzen | +2.67 | 98 | 60 |
| #2 | ππΏπ³|鬱 | +1.45 | 82 | 59 |
| #3 | β*: .q. o(β§β½β¦)o .q.:*β | +1.31 | 89 | 48 |
| #4 | eymz | +1.28 | 87 | 61 |
| #5 | femboy | +1.13 | 68 | 63 |





