








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 456 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 157 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




83 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1755 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,849 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1704 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1738 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 919 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1488 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,102,586 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 265 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DOTA ENJOYER | 54% | 37 |
| #2 | Admiral Coffee | 51% | 47 |
| #3 | ernie suds | 51% | 132 |
| #4 | bim | 50% | 78 |
| #5 | Jared Garry Bednar | 47% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ernie suds | 44 | 0.0169 |
| #2 | Big H | 19 | 0.0120 |
| #3 | rich | 7 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | Jared Garry Bednar | 7 | 0.0074 |
| #5 | bim | 4 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big H | 322 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #2 | ernie suds | 247 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | DOTA ENJOYER | 136 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | Admiral Coffee | 132 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | rich | 60 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DOTA ENJOYER | +4.74 | 76 | 65 |
| #2 | Big H | +3.64 | 69 | 75 |
| #3 | ernie suds | +3.62 | 74 | 53 |
| #4 | Admiral Coffee | +3.39 | 88 | 60 |
| #5 | rich | +1.41 | 66 | 19 |





