








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 65 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 3 different maps



Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1189 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,574 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 359 | 23% |
| Smokes | 585 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 145 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 485 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $203,109 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | can't aim | 67% | 12 |
| #2 | Tricktail | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | whoopass | 51% | 76 |
| #4 | albert fangirl | 50% | 6 |
| #5 | ♿tuna | 47% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | whoopass | 15 | 0.0111 |
| #2 | scoobydoo | 6 | 0.0103 |
| #3 | ♿tuna | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | can't aim | 3 | 0.0135 |
| #5 | sili cat | 2 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | whoopass | 203 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | sili cat | 185 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #3 | ♿tuna | 130 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Tricktail | 88 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #5 | scoobydoo | 38 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | whoopass | +3.64 | 84 | 61 |
| #2 | where u go i go | +2.85 | 76 | 39 |
| #3 | Tricktail | -0.23 | 66 | 69 |
| #4 | can't aim | -1.93 | 43 | 50 |
| #5 | albert fangirl | -1.93 | 41 | 48 |





