








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 178 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 86 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1183 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,447 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1443 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1942 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2106 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1956 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $363,845 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 55 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Hemorrhoid Creamer | 49% | 41 |
| #8 | † 3Pac † | 48% | 71 |
| #9 | GANEV | 46% | 26 |
| #10 | Оливие Шампен | 45% | 22 |
| #11 | Flicky Kunchev | 30% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hemorrhoid Creamer | 5 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | Endlesstaco | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | † 3Pac † | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Mentally ill | 3 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | PhillyPhil ඞ | 2 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | † 3Pac † | 145 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #2 | PhillyPhil ඞ | 119 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #3 | Endlesstaco | 102 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | sserbeZa | 100 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | Hemorrhoid Creamer | 68 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PhillyPhil ඞ | +3.11 | 81 | 66 |
| #2 | Mentally ill | +2.13 | 83 | 45 |
| #3 | GANEV | +1.26 | 67 | 45 |
| #4 | † 3Pac † | +0.83 | 64 | 65 |
| #5 | Sn3aki-ρD | +0.53 | 63 | 53 |





