








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 537 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 241 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 43 matches | ||
| Wingman | 27 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 71 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6180 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,657 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4271 | 29% |
| Smokes | 4615 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2831 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2940 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,688,294 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 772 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Mentally ill | 53% | 138 |
| #11 | GANEV | 52% | 101 |
| #12 | † 3Pac † | 51% | 206 |
| #13 | Оливие Шампен | 51% | 67 |
| #14 | Rubber Band | 50% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | † 3Pac † | 16 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | PhillyPhil ඞ | 12 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Mentally ill | 7 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | xDeyan | 7 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | GANEV | 5 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PhillyPhil ඞ | 543 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | † 3Pac † | 462 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #3 | Primordial | 199 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | xDeyan | 152 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | Flicky Kunchev | 113 | 0.08 | 3 min |





