








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 582 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Faceit | 73 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2450 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,223 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2415 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2680 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1906 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2222 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,454,693 of utility $224 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 131 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steve | 56% | 43 |
| #2 | Bademeister | 49% | 146 |
| #3 | turtleboy | 47% | 38 |
| #4 | JVortex | 42% | 78 |
| #5 | ★︎ +1 für dokabretter! | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Bademeister | 49% | 146 |
| #3 | turtleboy | 47% | 38 |
| #4 | JVortex | 42% | 78 |
| #5 | ★︎ +1 für dokabretter! | 35% | 23 |
| #6 | NWoida | 33% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bademeister | 11 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | ★︎ +1 für dokabretter! | 5 | 0.0102 |
| #3 | JVortex | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Steve | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | turtleboy | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bademeister | 282 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #2 | JVortex | 182 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | Steve | 90 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | ★︎ +1 für dokabretter! | 73 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | NWoida | 61 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NWoida | +1.44 | 53 | 75 |
| #2 | Steve | +1.15 | 51 | 71 |
| #3 | Bademeister | +0.83 | 76 | 62 |
| #4 | ★︎ +1 für dokabretter! | +0.71 | 77 | 58 |
| #5 | JVortex | -0.44 | 52 | 66 |





