








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1669 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 137 matches | ||
| Premier | 123 matches | ||
| Wingman | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 73 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




53 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6718 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,561 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6195 | 22% |
| Smokes | 9350 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 5160 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 6856 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,059,144 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12407 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gaL | 70% | 44 |
| #2 | Linkraft | 69% | 45 |
| #3 | Alyex | 63% | 187 |
| #4 | Captain Mephistoo | 62% | 69 |
| #5 | Sit. | 62% | 313 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Sit. | 62% | 313 |
| #6 | Never4Ever | 62% | 91 |
| #7 | zoji | 60% | 45 |
| #8 | Tempête de Broadcast | 53% | 94 |
| #9 | lxmune | 52% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sit. | 25 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Alyex | 20 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | lxmune | 18 | 0.0100 |
| #4 | Captain Mephistoo | 11 | 0.0079 |
| #5 | Never4Ever | 7 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sit. | 790 | 0.14 | 19 min |
| #2 | Alyex | 635 | 0.17 | 16 min |
| #3 | Never4Ever | 266 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #4 | Captain Mephistoo | 214 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | Tempête de Broadcast | 88 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alyex | +5.03 | 82 | 63 |
| #2 | Sit. | +4.35 | 87 | 56 |
| #3 | Never4Ever | +2.55 | 82 | 59 |
| #4 | lxmune | +2.04 | 77 | 45 |
| #5 | FranzF | +0.79 | 72 | 62 |





