








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 643 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 164 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 58 matches | ||
| Wingman | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




93 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6037 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,921 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1367 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3472 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 1222 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 2860 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,382,587 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 309 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Never4Ever | 54% | 61 |
| #2 | Captain Mephistoo | 53% | 85 |
| #3 | FranzF | 52% | 92 |
| #4 | TakeTheLBolt | 49% | 37 |
| #5 | Alyex | 47% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Captain Mephistoo | 53% | 85 |
| #3 | FranzF | 52% | 92 |
| #4 | TakeTheLBolt | 49% | 37 |
| #5 | Alyex | 47% | 73 |
| #6 | Sit. | 46% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain Mephistoo | 18 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | Never4Ever | 17 | 0.0136 |
| #3 | Alyex | 13 | 0.0088 |
| #4 | Sit. | 12 | 0.0083 |
| #5 | FranzF | 10 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain Mephistoo | 314 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #2 | Alyex | 297 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #3 | Sit. | 191 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | Never4Ever | 157 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | FranzF | 143 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alyex | +4.89 | 79 | 60 |
| #2 | Sit. | +2.61 | 81 | 51 |
| #3 | Never4Ever | +2.23 | 82 | 60 |
| #4 | lxmune | +1.82 | 81 | 42 |
| #5 | FranzF | +0.52 | 73 | 60 |





