








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 819 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 530 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




85 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10384 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,654 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1260 | 34% |
| Smokes | 467 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1046 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 881 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $272,443 of utility $15 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2215 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Random | 53% | 139 |
| #2 | local | 52% | 86 |
| #3 | ɾeaper | 49% | 141 |
| #4 | Hazzz | 47% | 173 |
| #5 | BubbaTK | 47% | 104 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Ed Witten | 44% | 63 |
| #9 | louie | 40% | 167 |
| #10 | Cameron | 39% | 147 |
| #11 | JaCk0 | 38% | 60 |
| #12 | blizzy | 33% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Random | 47 | 0.0165 |
| #2 | Cameron | 30 | 0.0098 |
| #3 | -cxr | 28 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | ɾeaper | 22 | 0.0076 |
| #5 | local | 22 | 0.0123 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ɾeaper | 586 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #2 | BubbaTK | 424 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #3 | Hazzz | 348 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #4 | Cameron | 345 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #5 | Random | 279 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ɾeaper | +4.10 | 92 | 60 |
| #2 | Random | +2.50 | 89 | 59 |
| #3 | BubbaTK | +1.45 | 85 | 66 |
| #4 | Cameron | +1.12 | 82 | 57 |
| #5 | -cxr | +0.87 | 84 | 32 |





