








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 525 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 181 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 22 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4881 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,154 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1534 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2514 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2166 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 940 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $857,667 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 63 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Tiny | 50% | 142 |
| #3 | Lorem Ipsum | 49% | 232 |
| #4 | SlyyMan | 46% | 174 |
| #5 | ZOOVEER | 45% | 91 |
| #6 | Buddy Dubs | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SlyyMan | 14 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Tiny | 10 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Lorem Ipsum | 8 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | ZOOVEER | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Buddy Dubs | 2 | 0.0040 |





