








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 78 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 10 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
941 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,343 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 72 | 5% |
| Smokes | 700 | 52% |
| HE Grenades | 496 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 75 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $244,706 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 55 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZOOVEER | 46% | 28 |
| #2 | Lorem Ipsum | 44% | 79 |
| #3 | Tiny | 44% | 82 |
| #4 | SlyyMan | 41% | 58 |
| #5 | Nolbay | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZOOVEER | 46% | 28 |
| #2 | Lorem Ipsum | 44% | 79 |
| #3 | Tiny | 44% | 82 |
| #4 | SlyyMan | 41% | 58 |
| #5 | Nolbay | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tiny | 9 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | SlyyMan | 5 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Lorem Ipsum | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Nolbay | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | ZOOVEER | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tiny | 238 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | SlyyMan | 115 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Lorem Ipsum | 84 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | Nolbay | 16 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | ZOOVEER | 2 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nolbay | +3.05 | 55 | 51 |
| #2 | Lorem Ipsum | +2.27 | 71 | 49 |
| #3 | SlyyMan | +0.13 | 52 | 53 |
| #4 | Buddy Dubs | -0.53 | 42 | 22 |
| #5 | Tiny | -1.18 | 31 | 50 |





