








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
474 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,689 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 451 | 27% |
| Smokes | 431 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 311 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 496 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $137,142 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spoodaloo | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | joeyyy | 76% | 25 |
| #3 | Hooded Horror | 75% | 8 |
| #4 | Grog | 74% | 19 |
| #5 | sto1ck | 66% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | sto1ck | 66% | 38 |
| #6 | Feathers McGraw | 63% | 43 |
| #7 | Enel | 60% | 15 |
| #8 | Bungus | 56% | 9 |
| #9 | The Armchair General | 38% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sto1ck | 8 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | Feathers McGraw | 7 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | Bungus | 5 | 0.0256 |
| #4 | Hooded Horror | 3 | 0.0199 |
| #5 | Enel | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sto1ck | 192 | 0.25 | 5 min |
| #2 | Feathers McGraw | 174 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #3 | joeyyy | 49 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Enel | 32 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | The Armchair General | 24 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | joeyyy | +5.96 | 89 | 60 |
| #2 | sto1ck | +2.60 | 76 | 65 |
| #3 | Spoodaloo | +0.98 | 62 | 58 |
| #4 | Feathers McGraw | +0.96 | 58 | 50 |
| #5 | TetleyBroad | +0.72 | 76 | 46 |





