








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 30 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
711 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,163 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 423 | 20% |
| Smokes | 439 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 605 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 696 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $473,459 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 94 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hooded Horror | 74% | 19 |
| #2 | Spoodaloo | 67% | 6 |
| #3 | Grog | 64% | 74 |
| #4 | joeyyy | 63% | 68 |
| #5 | Bungus | 63% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Feathers McGraw | 62% | 87 |
| #7 | Ping | 60% | 10 |
| #8 | TetleyBroad | 60% | 15 |
| #9 | sto1ck | 57% | 67 |
| #10 | The Armchair General | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sto1ck | 10 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | Feathers McGraw | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Bungus | 5 | 0.0072 |
| #4 | Grog | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | joeyyy | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Feathers McGraw | 392 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #2 | sto1ck | 363 | 0.25 | 10 min |
| #3 | joeyyy | 132 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | Grog | 119 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | TetleyBroad | 51 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | joeyyy | +5.87 | 92 | 55 |
| #2 | Ping | +5.47 | 93 | 67 |
| #3 | sto1ck | +2.94 | 74 | 69 |
| #4 | Feathers McGraw | +0.90 | 55 | 49 |
| #5 | TetleyBroad | -0.12 | 75 | 52 |





