








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 349 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 433 matches | ||
| Faceit | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




57 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5574 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,379 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5986 | 33% |
| Smokes | 3915 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4239 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4239 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,790,610 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 553 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skadetch | 51% | 204 |
| #2 | BALAPAN | 50% | 460 |
| #3 | Raf | 50% | 30 |
| #4 | Barnaby Cobblenut | 50% | 38 |
| #5 | Caillou (NA's only hope now) | 50% | 442 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Barnaby Cobblenut | 50% | 38 |
| #5 | Caillou (NA's only hope now) | 50% | 442 |
| #6 | Orgalorg Smörgåsbord | 49% | 214 |
| #7 | Dr. Randy Potatofeet | 48% | 31 |
| #8 | Hugh Jabenis | 48% | 325 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALAPAN | 113 | 0.0115 |
| #2 | Hugh Jabenis | 80 | 0.0113 |
| #3 | Caillou (NA's only hope now) | 59 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | Orgalorg Smörgåsbord | 42 | 0.0091 |
| #5 | Skadetch | 35 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALAPAN | 1820 | 0.18 | 46 min |
| #2 | Caillou (NA's only hope now) | 1180 | 0.12 | 30 min |
| #3 | Orgalorg Smörgåsbord | 837 | 0.18 | 19 min |
| #4 | Skadetch | 344 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #5 | Hugh Jabenis | 304 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALAPAN | +1.85 | 67 | 69 |
| #2 | Caillou (NA's only hope now) | +1.39 | 73 | 68 |
| #3 | Skadetch | +1.19 | 66 | 54 |
| #4 | Kuato | +0.90 | 73 | 60 |
| #5 | Dr. Randy Potatofeet | -1.57 | 68 | 56 |





