








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 642 matches | ||
| Faceit | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 166 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




231 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6899 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,121 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4093 | 15% |
| Smokes | 9546 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 9060 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 5422 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,615,396 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1687 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caillou (NA's only hope now) | 51% | 529 |
| #2 | Skadetch | 51% | 269 |
| #3 | Orgalorg Smörgåsbord | 49% | 462 |
| #4 | BALAPAN | 49% | 606 |
| #5 | Kuato | 48% | 325 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caillou (NA's only hope now) | 51% | 529 |
| #2 | Skadetch | 51% | 269 |
| #3 | Orgalorg Smörgåsbord | 49% | 462 |
| #4 | BALAPAN | 49% | 606 |
| #5 | Kuato | 48% | 325 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALAPAN | 183 | 0.0140 |
| #2 | Caillou (NA's only hope now) | 98 | 0.0086 |
| #3 | Orgalorg Smörgåsbord | 91 | 0.0092 |
| #4 | Skadetch | 61 | 0.0107 |
| #5 | Kuato | 40 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALAPAN | 2649 | 0.20 | 65 min |
| #2 | Orgalorg Smörgåsbord | 1799 | 0.18 | 40 min |
| #3 | Caillou (NA's only hope now) | 1447 | 0.13 | 35 min |
| #4 | Kuato | 1111 | 0.16 | 28 min |
| #5 | Skadetch | 480 | 0.08 | 12 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALAPAN | +2.98 | 67 | 69 |
| #2 | Caillou (NA's only hope now) | +2.06 | 73 | 65 |
| #3 | Skadetch | +1.63 | 66 | 56 |
| #4 | Kuato | +1.39 | 73 | 58 |
| #5 | Hugh Jabenis | -1.77 | 27 | 49 |





