








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 737 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 733 matches | ||
| Faceit | 122 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




155 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10617 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 36,193 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10987 | 30% |
| Smokes | 11386 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 6815 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 7005 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,523,145 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 401 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALAPAN | 52% | 660 |
| #2 | Orgalorg Smörgåsbord | 52% | 326 |
| #3 | Hugh Jabenis | 51% | 529 |
| #4 | Skadetch | 51% | 322 |
| #5 | Kuato | 50% | 442 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALAPAN | 52% | 660 |
| #2 | Orgalorg Smörgåsbord | 52% | 326 |
| #3 | Hugh Jabenis | 51% | 529 |
| #4 | Skadetch | 51% | 322 |
| #5 | Kuato | 50% | 442 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALAPAN | 184 | 0.0130 |
| #2 | Hugh Jabenis | 135 | 0.0117 |
| #3 | Skadetch | 65 | 0.0095 |
| #4 | Orgalorg Smörgåsbord | 55 | 0.0078 |
| #5 | Kuato | 45 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALAPAN | 2656 | 0.19 | 64 min |
| #2 | Kuato | 1487 | 0.16 | 37 min |
| #3 | Orgalorg Smörgåsbord | 1271 | 0.18 | 27 min |
| #4 | Skadetch | 568 | 0.08 | 13 min |
| #5 | Hugh Jabenis | 473 | 0.04 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BALAPAN | +2.44 | 67 | 67 |
| #2 | Caillou (NA's only hope now) | +1.67 | 73 | 66 |
| #3 | Skadetch | +0.82 | 66 | 55 |
| #4 | Kuato | +0.71 | 72 | 60 |
| #5 | Hugh Jabenis | -2.24 | 28 | 48 |





