








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 340 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1715 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,939 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 940 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1021 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1653 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1325 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $965,980 of utility $257 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1087 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Theorematic | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | CHRIST | 47% | 19 |
| #3 | diALeD_iN | 44% | 39 |
| #4 | daddy issues | 42% | 43 |
| #5 | Dirty Dan | 41% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | daddy issues | 118 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | Dirty Dan | 97 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | Theorematic | 61 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | CHRIST | 35 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | diALeD_iN | 19 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Dan | +1.51 | 68 | 65 |
| #2 | daddy issues | +1.09 | 64 | 60 |
| #3 | CHRIST | -0.17 | 41 | 39 |
| #4 | Raccoon Dog | -0.89 | 68 | 59 |
| #5 | timofsilence | -0.90 | 53 | 53 |





