








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 347 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 148 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2063 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,794 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 772 | 16% |
| Smokes | 332 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 1950 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 1740 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $979,383 of utility $215 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 625 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Jakob Schwarz | 46% | 37 |
| #11 | jalapeno | 45% | 55 |
| #12 | besseralsdeindad | 45% | 69 |
| #13 | BlackFyre | 43% | 21 |
| #14 | kacktuss | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | besseralsdeindad | 393 | 0.27 | 8 min |
| #2 | spUUkz | 151 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | jalapeno | 136 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | NeoNovita | 109 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | JESUSbx ਆਲੂ | 79 | 0.25 | 2 min |





