








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 327 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 313 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




103 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3678 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,222 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 487 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1199 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1238 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1298 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $632,967 of utility $70 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2760 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ur Trash | 51% | 49 |
| #2 | Punderino | 50% | 82 |
| #3 | 1933 Fuller Dymaxion | 45% | 86 |
| #4 | 我喜欢吃猫和狗 | 44% | 133 |
| #5 | I SMOKE ICE | 43% | 65 |





