








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 32 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 181 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2296 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,647 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 656 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1431 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2376 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 1184 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $775,594 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parayeet | 68% | 56 |
| #2 | The Rainmaker | 59% | 74 |
| #3 | JustaGamerboi | 59% | 80 |
| #4 | ScuFFed | 50% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parayeet | 68% | 56 |
| #2 | The Rainmaker | 59% | 74 |
| #3 | JustaGamerboi | 59% | 80 |
| #4 | ScuFFed | 50% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parayeet | 18 | 0.0165 |
| #2 | The Rainmaker | 13 | 0.0086 |
| #3 | JustaGamerboi | 11 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | ScuFFed | 3 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JustaGamerboi | 212 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | The Rainmaker | 156 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Parayeet | 71 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | ScuFFed | 52 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parayeet | +5.42 | 72 | 59 |
| #2 | The Rainmaker | +3.99 | 81 | 64 |
| #3 | ScuFFed | -0.12 | 37 | 29 |
| #4 | Sleep | -0.26 | 36 | 34 |
| #5 | JustaGamerboi | -4.19 | 21 | 60 |





