








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 371 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 127 matches | ||
| Premier | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4048 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,743 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4352 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4457 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3924 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3010 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,800,803 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 128 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tousle | 66% | 70 |
| #2 | jd | 65% | 26 |
| #3 | andy ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ | 64% | 58 |
| #4 | CRACKADDICT22 | 62% | 79 |
| #5 | jENiMALcrackers | 62% | 55 |





