








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 299 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
491 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,558 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 498 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1128 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1001 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 931 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $454,915 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeinFinanzcoach | 57% | 14 |
| #2 | eㄨo | 48% | 42 |
| #3 | 'NoK´ | 45% | 47 |
| #4 | HerrPes | 43% | 37 |
| #5 | Kallemitderkelle | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeinFinanzcoach | 57% | 14 |
| #2 | eㄨo | 48% | 42 |
| #3 | 'NoK´ | 45% | 47 |
| #4 | HerrPes | 43% | 37 |
| #5 | Kallemitderkelle | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeinFinanzcoach | 2 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | 'NoK´ | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | eㄨo | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | HerrPes | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Kallemitderkelle | 1 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 'NoK´ | 136 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | eㄨo | 136 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #3 | HerrPes | 95 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | DeinFinanzcoach | 30 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Kallemitderkelle | 27 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HerrPes | +1.84 | 71 | 83 |
| #2 | eㄨo | +1.41 | 55 | 91 |
| #3 | 'NoK´ | +0.98 | 79 | 58 |
| #4 | Kallemitderkelle | -0.35 | 85 | 77 |
| #5 | DeinFinanzcoach | -1.98 | 31 | 66 |





