








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
279 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 502 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 139 | 28% |
| Smokes | 105 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 105 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 153 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $65,617 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tshernobylin mamelukkikala | 50% | 14 |
| #2 | Fake | 34% | 35 |
| #3 | 演奏を学びます)I( | 33% | 12 |
| #4 | kehari ♿ | 27% | 33 |
| #5 | Jeffrey Dahmer | 24% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Fake | 34% | 35 |
| #3 | 演奏を学びます)I( | 33% | 12 |
| #4 | kehari ♿ | 27% | 33 |
| #5 | Jeffrey Dahmer | 24% | 34 |
| #6 | Goatman | 19% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goatman | 19 | 0.0385 |
| #2 | Fake | 12 | 0.0180 |
| #3 | kehari ♿ | 12 | 0.0190 |
| #4 | 演奏を学びます)I( | 3 | 0.0123 |
| #5 | Jeffrey Dahmer | 2 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kehari ♿ | 73 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jeffrey Dahmer | 51 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Fake | 50 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | Tshernobylin mamelukkikala | 47 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | 演奏を学びます)I( | 18 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tshernobylin mamelukkikala | +2.47 | 75 | 78 |
| #2 | Fake | +1.26 | 70 | 48 |
| #3 | kehari ♿ | +0.80 | 67 | 64 |
| #4 | 演奏を学びます)I( | +0.34 | 69 | 42 |
| #5 | Goatman | -1.28 | 40 | 30 |





