








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 278 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 148 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 42 matches | ||
| Wingman | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




88 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3961 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,817 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3370 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3050 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3291 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3106 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $532,874 of utility $63 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 91 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Fake | 47% | 170 |
| #8 | 演奏を学びます)I( | 46% | 24 |
| #9 | Jeffrey Dahmer | 44% | 68 |
| #10 | Goatman | 31% | 55 |
| #11 | Kontakti | 27% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fake | 39 | 0.0114 |
| #2 | Biancanero | 32 | 0.0242 |
| #3 | Goatman | 30 | 0.0282 |
| #4 | ♛★Ronduzz★♛ | 29 | 0.0166 |
| #5 | Tshernobylin mamelukkikala | 10 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tshernobylin mamelukkikala | 367 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #2 | ♛★Ronduzz★♛ | 338 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #3 | Biancanero | 218 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | Fake | 196 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Jeffrey Dahmer | 142 | 0.11 | 2 min |





