










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
639 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,596 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 982 | 38% |
| Smokes | 594 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 393 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 627 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $409,745 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoeyTheBiggest | 11 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | HeyItzWerty | 10 | 0.0097 |
| #3 | coopeR | 6 | 0.0104 |
| #4 | Ne4Lackin | 5 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Killj0y | 3 | 0.0158 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoeyTheBiggest | 464 | 0.30 | 10 min |
| #2 | HeyItzWerty | 239 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #3 | Ne4Lackin | 127 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | coopeR | 114 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #5 | Killj0y | 56 | 0.29 | 1 min |





